8.14.2006

Tom Emanksi is an Effete Loser

There was a time when an over-bearing father hoping to turn his embarrasment of a son into a journeyman, league-minimum major league ballplayer had only one place to turn. The welcoming arms of Fred McGriff and his employer - the great Tom Emanski.

Emanski's wisdom spread far and wide. Fantasy baseball teams were named in his honor. ESPN dedicated the short-lived ESPEMANSKI to showing his commercial around the clock. McGriff put one of the worst hats in the history of headgear on his mellon. It was a glorious age. Honestly, what could possibly top this?



Well, PopChronic will tell you what can top that.

As of tonight (or whenever the ad started - we just saw it tonight), fathers everywhere secretly harboring dreams of freeloading off embittered professional athletes of their own creation have a new Glorious Leader. Mr. Emanski, your reign of terror is over. Mr. McGriff, doff your cap for the new king of the (abusive?) middle school training video. We give you...

BILL PARCELS!!!

Coach, what can you tell us about your video?

Hi, I'm Bill Parcells, your head coach for Backyard Drills
"Over the years, people have paid me a whole lot of money because I know how to develop a winning attitude in young men. I know that together we can do the same with your son."
That's fantastic! And it's not just the Coach. If you buy the videos, check out the world-class staff he's assembled:


Danny Wuerffel - BYD® Leadership

Quarterback

New Orleans Saints, Green Bay Packers, Chicago Bears,
Washington Redskins
6 NFL Seasons
2,123 passing yards
12 touchdown passes

Most Important Role: Father of 1 son


Danny Wuerffel? Seriously? Well, I guess Heath Shuler is too busy running for Congress.

If you must, check out the full site for the videos here.

Mr. Emanski, oh great guru of late-night commercials and esoteric headwear, what say you about this new challenge to your authority?

No Videos found for 'tom emanski'
No videos found, indeed.

8.02.2006

Know your... Molinas

There's a piece of old baseball wisdom that says, "You can't tell the Molinas without a blog post." Or something.

In the spirit of that saying, and as a public service for all the baseball fans out there who have no idea which Molina brother is which, here is a handy guide to their teams, positions, and what their answers might well have been to various "Hodgepodge" questions on a college application.







Bengie Molina

Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Catcher
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Favorite Recording: "Here I go Again" - Whitesnake








Jose Molina

Team: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Position: Catcher
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Favorite Book: The Devil Wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger








Yadier Molina

Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Position: Catcher
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Best Piece of Advise You've Ever Received: "Never let some idiot with a blog write a post about you and your brothers."

Oops.

This concludes the public service portion of this post. Now, a picture of the guy from Whitesnake.

Thank you.

7.27.2006

Greetings and Salutations

Hey yo. Let me be the first to officially welcome each and every one of you to PopChronic. I am but one of your humble hosts, but I felt the need to properly introduce myself to the reading public -- because let's be honest, why the hell should you give a damn what I post if you don't know the first thing about me?

El Stzl

Origin of name: a nickname from seventh grade which has gone through 6 or 7 variants.

Likes: Kittens, flowers, long walks on the beach, the occasional verbal and/or physical evisceration of unwitting strangers or people who look at me wrong.

Dislikes: Celebra-whores, people who can't f'ing drive, working for a living.

Humor: Mean, sarcastic, curse-laden, and really not that funny.

Well, that's me. Now that you really don't give a shit about me, let me leave you with something that's actually downright hysterical. I shouldn't be pointing our soon-to-be loyal readers to another blog on the network, but take it as a show of good faith.

Reason to think twice before cheating on a woman

Go all the way to the first post and read it through. It's good stuff.

Welcome once again, ya'll. Hope you enjoy your toke, and stay classy, San Diego.

[PS: I apologize for removing Erik Estrada from your first glance. As you will undoubtedly come to know, Erik Estrada is a pretty big deal around these parts. I have the single best picture in the history of time, but we'll just save that one for later.]